Nobody calls anymore. I call people because I want to know how they are. I worry about my "friends" and family, but if I don't call, I hear absolutely nothing. My phone never rings. Why do I have it anyway? Sure, there's the internet. The absolute solution to our communication problems! Or so the brochure goes... Nobody really reads my blogs anyway, besides Mo and Gela. Thanks Mo, your card meant the world to me. Lately, with the strange self issues I've been having I just feel that I should give up, stop calling, stop blogging, just stop. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. There are some people who I've always wanted to believe were my friends, but in the end, they don't have room for me in their lives and probably just move on. They can't take a minute to call and see if I'm alive, so why should I? This sounds so damn "pity me" and I hate to sound like that! I'm not supposed to be the complainer! I'm the shoulder to cry on, the friend who listens to any rant and rave with endless patience. And really, I listen! I'm there for anyone who needs me, no questions asked. I might not be of much help, but God only knows that I'll do the best I can for you! So why do I feel so damn expendable?!?! Maybe this is all some sick drama of the middle child (middle of 7, yes I am). Maybe post partum depression is finally kicking in. Maybe I'm just crashing for awhile. Who knows.
I'm so sorry.
2 comments:
You know I don't call because I talk to you like every day right?
You know I love and appreciate you and wish you would move your ass home so we could hang out right?
You know that mere hours ago I told my mom how much I loved and appreciated you right? of course not, how would you know that?
You know that I count you among my best, oldest, dearest friends right?
You know that without our weekly Cartoon Network anime fests I would go absolutely crazy right?
You know I think you're a wonderful mother/wife/friend/sister/everything right?
You know that without you I would have never survived the whole u know who mess as sanely as I did right?
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT???
You know I posted this comment even though my word verification was FREAKING INSANE right??
With Katy's 11 "You know" I have to add - you maybe going thru a mild depression and some of the things that might help is.......
1) beat the snot out of a stranger (you don't live near Tampa do you?)
2) get out whenever you can into the sunshine (it's proven that winter is a major cause of depression)
3) exercise
4) eat chocolate (PROVEN I SWEAR!)
5) and if it keeps up see a doctor - I did and my husband is still alive to prove it helps!
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