Will you remember?

Will you remember the dress I wore?
Will you remember my face?
Will you remember the lipstick I wore?
This world is a wonderful place

Will you remember the black limousine?
Will you remember Champagne?
Will you remember the things that we've seen?
I will return here again

Will you remember the flowers in my hand?
Will you remember my hair?
Will you remember the future we planned?
The world is not waiting out there

I won't remember the dress I wore
I won't remember Champagne
I won't remember the things that we swore
I will just love you in vain

~The Cranberries "Will You Remember"

Today my son was getting into everything, as usual, and pulled out an old photo of my two younger sisters. It was taken a few years ago in Salt Lake City during a family trip. At the time, they were only 15 and 12. (Now 18 and 15) My parents have always been big on taking pictures, and this trip was no exception. If anything, this trip was more than a perfect occassion to take photos. It isn't often that the family can up and go to Salt Lake City together. It is a four hour drive and with four children, it can't be easy. But that day, we were there to greet my older brother upon his return home from being in Brazil for two years. He'd been serving a mission for the LDS church and we were waiting with baited breath to see him again.

Not only did my parents have their cameras, but I had a disposable one of my own. I took lots of pictures! Including the one in which I speak of now. I keep it in a plastic stand up frame. Some cheap one that I bought when I was young and living alone on the opposite side of the country from them. (I still live on the opposite side, just not alone, and not in the same state.) To dress it up, I placed cute stickers all over the front around them. A bit tacky, but I still do not have the heart to replace the frame or remove the stickers.

Looking at the photo now I see how much they've grown since, and wonder if they know just how much I love them. There was a time when for a short while, the older forgot my love and blamed me for her troubles. This is all behind us now, but my heart aches to know that my love could be so conviently tossed aside. I pray for them constantly. Pray to God I believe in that they will be spared from the mistakes of my youth and learn valuable lessons that I never did. Already they seem wiser than their years, and have saved themselves from my teenage trespasses. I'm so proud of them. I as hold this picture to me, I hope they remember. Remember who they are to me now, and who they were years ago when I snapped this photo. I may forget sometimes, but I will always love them.

* * * * * *
Last night I had a bizarre dream. I dreamt that I'd stayed in Utah, instead of traveling away to find myself. I'd married an old friend of mine named Ean, but things were not good. We weren't as in love as we thought we'd forever be, and I was yelling at him as he drove away with an unknown friend. "You promised!" I screamed with tears in my eyes. I only wanted to save him. Save him from the drug problem he was running off to indulge in. He left from sight, ingoring my words. Alone and worried I climbed to the roof of the house and waited. Waited hours for a husband that would not come home that night. I woke up never knowing the conclusion. The dream was odd, and one that I may never know the meaning of. It bothers me though, and will continue to do so until I let myself forget about it as my life gets caught up in the hassle of the real world. For now though, I wonder...