Miss Me?

Not likely. But it seems that I have completely abandoned my blogs for far too long and that at some point, my need to write and rant overwhelms me. Though no one will read this, it feels good to just ramble. After all, as Gurkin states: "It's not about being read, it's about being written." Though my blogs will probably not contain words like "douchebagery".

For 14 months now, Utah has been my home. Goodbye New York! I do not miss you! Really, central New York was an awful place to raise children. My family was too far away and the crime rate was insane. I really don't like hearing gunshots every night. Really people!

Speaking of children: I have two now! Damen is an amazing 3 and a half, and our newest, Darrian is a beautiful two months old. I suppose the mountain air must be good for me. Only 3 months after we moved to Utah, I was pregnant. We had been trying for almost a year in New York with NOTHING happening. How do you like that? Unlike Damen, he has brown hair though. But that's okay! Before we even knew his gender, I acknowledged that the chances of having another red headed baby was slim to none, and I'm okay with that. I have my red headed, blue eyed baby and the rest are free to be whatever they may be! Darrian has light brown hair and though his eyes are currently still just as blue as the day he was born, that may change to brown. Who knows.

And you know, I always thought "holiday babies" were so cliche. I thought it was rather a curse to have kids on holidays. That the poor child would hate it their whole life! Then again, I suppose it depends on the holiday... But I find myself mistaken yet again. Darrian was born on St. Patrick's Day, and sure, it's not a huge holiday, but it is a holiday nonetheless and one that my family celebrates every year. Come to find out, it's fun! I love saying that he's my St. Patty's baby, plus it makes it so much easier for family members to recall. (My mother in law and father in law aren't exactly the most sane of people anymore, haha! Though I do love them dearly, don't get me wrong.) The downside for him: He's going to receive a lot of green items in his life. The Plus Side: He can REALLY celebrate his 21st birthday!

Sims 2: I'm freakin obsessed with this game once again. I stopped for some time since my laptop ran it rather slowly. But a few months ago, the laptop fried and we bought a replacement desktop. Tada! I can play Sims again, and I'm having a hard time stopping. ^_^ Not only playing, but learning to create custom objects for it. Right now I'm pretty limited to the basic walls, floors and wall hangings, but I hope to expand into more complex things. How awesome would it be to have your Sims driving a Mach 5??? Ah yes, my dream project...

Speed Racer hit theaters, and I was there opening night. Not as many people as I expected in the theater... It's gotten bad reviews, most critics hate it, people say it's cheesy, and since it brought in under 20 million in the first weekend, it is being considered a failure. HOWEVER -- I really enjoyed it! I've been a big fan of Speed Racer since I was just a tiny kid, and I'll watch it any chance I get! I was thrilled when I heard about plans for the movie. Sure it was cheesy, sure it was made just for the sake of having fun with CGI, but it stuck to the Speed Racer style and close to the storyline. Respect for the original concepts - now THAT I can respect.

Okay, it's way too late and I need to actually sleep for once in my life. Ciao!

New Look!

Not that anyone actually reads this, but tada! A new look. About time, too. I've been so lazy about getting this customized. I may tweak this later as there are several things I'm rather unhappy about. But we'll see at this point.

Not only does my blogger have a new look, but I do too! I'm a blonde again! w00! It takes like a whole freakin hour of bleaching to get my hair blonde (natural red heads just can't get rid of the red!) so ther will be several weeks of extreme moisturizing before it has its normal shiny look back completely. But overall, I'm rather proud of how it held up this time around. I'll have to take pics when I get around to it.

In other unrelated news, we have been repeating words like a broken record. It's annoying, but Damen is learning from it so at least our efforts aren't unrewarded. Speaking of Damen, he is SO CUTE! He's just growing so fast (21 months now) and becomes more of his own person everyday. I'll have to upload some new pictures soon.

And on my closing note, I am so excited! Although my husband and I wil both be working on our actual anniversary date (Tues, Aug 15th), we have the days before it off, so we'll be using those days to head out to Boston! We'll most likely spend the mass majority of our time in Salem doing some shopping that just can't be done anywhere else. w00t! I'll take so many pictures you'll all be sick! Hahaha!

Ciao!

The Domesticated Goddess and the Matron Musketeers

So for those who didn't know me in High School, here's a quick catch up on this particular subject to get you caught up! During my high school years I owned every sticker, t-shirt and what not on the earth that said "Goddess" or anything pertaining to it. Even now, I joke that I am a goddess. It's my thing, like Katy has the "Queen" title. Next- Shannie, Liz and I spent every waking day together during the last 2-3 years. We were even voted "The 3 Musketeers" at our drama awards, and since then, it's kinda stuck with us. Shannie now lives in northern Utah, married, with 2 kids and another on the way. Liz is getting married on the 26th(?), moving to Wyoming and then starting on kids right away. Then there's me, married, living in New York, with an 18 month child of my own. Needless to say, the three of us are busy and don't get to talk as much as we'd like to.



Yesterday I had the very rare and special treat of speaking to both of them at once! It took awhile to figure out how to do a 3-way call on my cell phone, but it eventually worked out and we were all able to talk! It was so cool! Shannie was home in UT, Liz was visiting her fiance's family in NV and here I was far out in NY. Yet we could all talk! I love technology!!!! We talked about a lot of different things, mainly Liz's wedding plans. But we discussed how strange it was (in between Shannie and I dealing with our children and Liz trying to keep her sister in law's dog down) that all three of us would be married! And not only did none of us participate in the other's wedding(s), but we'd all have children to keep us busy! growing up, eh?

Now, as I'm talking to them, I'm making oatmeal raisin cookies for my husband and setting my son down for a nap. It isn't so much that I'm cooking, caring for my child and had spent the morning cleaning that makes me feel "tamed", but the fact that when I unwrapped my new Kitchen-Aid mixer on Mother's Day, I totally flipped! I was SOOOO excited! I'd been hand mizing -everything- for the past 5 years, and always saying "this would be so much easier if I just had a mixer". Just a few short years ago, I would not have really had much need of a mixer. Althought I would have liked one, I lived off of gardenburgers before running to a club for the night.

I'm happy with my changes. Looking back, I admit that this is not quite where I thought I'd end up. This is in fact much better! I'm a mom with a very loving husband at my side and I'm happier than I've ever dreamed. No wonder we chose the name we did for our son. Damen's name means "to tame".

New Discoveries!

Isn't it fun how we can learn new things everyday? Let's see what I learned today!

- After 32 ounces of Mountain Dew Baja Blast, I have to PEE!!!!!!
- Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil is a GREAT read! (And I'm not even finished yet.)
- We really need a duvet cover to help stop the feathers from poking me!
- Sleeping with your ankle in a strange angle has BAD consequences!
- Some people really think that asking for "brand" names and holding an unlit cigarette in their mouth (in a smoke-free mall) makes them look cooler. Not realizing that they just look like a bigger ass.
- Customers will do absolutely anything it takes to save a dollar or two on the expensive designer names that they insist on buying.
- Practically everyone at work has each other's phone numbers and/or im names. Except for me, who apparently isn't as social or whatever.


Okay, so I didn't really learn anything useful. But does it really matter if it's useful or not? Cause if it does matter, I am so beyond screwed.

But hey! I ordered a new Gir shirt that reads "I love the little tacos! I love them good!" Hehehe, so the word is good Let's just hope it arrives quickly and actually has the measurements that the website said. Otherwise, I'm gonna be pissed. But if it fits okay, I am SO ordering that Labyrinth hoodie! Cause hell, when I was a kid, there was absolutely no one hotter to me than David Bowie as the Goblin King, Jareth. I even had a pet tree frog named after him!

"You have no power over me."

ARGH! Can't Stop Myself from Thinking!

Nobody calls anymore. I call people because I want to know how they are. I worry about my "friends" and family, but if I don't call, I hear absolutely nothing. My phone never rings. Why do I have it anyway? Sure, there's the internet. The absolute solution to our communication problems! Or so the brochure goes... Nobody really reads my blogs anyway, besides Mo and Gela. Thanks Mo, your card meant the world to me. Lately, with the strange self issues I've been having I just feel that I should give up, stop calling, stop blogging, just stop. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. There are some people who I've always wanted to believe were my friends, but in the end, they don't have room for me in their lives and probably just move on. They can't take a minute to call and see if I'm alive, so why should I? This sounds so damn "pity me" and I hate to sound like that! I'm not supposed to be the complainer! I'm the shoulder to cry on, the friend who listens to any rant and rave with endless patience. And really, I listen! I'm there for anyone who needs me, no questions asked. I might not be of much help, but God only knows that I'll do the best I can for you! So why do I feel so damn expendable?!?! Maybe this is all some sick drama of the middle child (middle of 7, yes I am). Maybe post partum depression is finally kicking in. Maybe I'm just crashing for awhile. Who knows.

I'm so sorry.

Strange Observations and more

I was surfing the usual bookmarks: Blogs of friend and family when I began to notice some strange things.

I love movies about life. My husband enjoys movie about death.

My Dad's entries and comments somehow seem uptight and hypocritical.

Anything coming out of my older brother's mouth or mind seems extremely negative and often succeeds in doing nothing but depressing me or pissing me off.

Somehow, my oldest sister just bothers me. She tried to "befriend" me some years ago, but we're just at seperate places in our lives and she not only failed miserably, but gave up. Since then, I can't seem to stomach her. Looking at the pictures she posts, I somehow feel sick.

My two younger sisters are still very much the bouncy high school age, and anytime I do comment to their posts, I feel like the killjoy of it all. The odd one out, if you will.

Katy's blog is always so fun yet intellectual. I can't seem to organize my thoughts as well as her, so although I'd like to comment, I don't anymore. Not only are her posts well written, but her blg friends always have something great to say, and I feel that I then sound like the high school child among them.

So why do I always feel like the odd one out? This is really bugging me! Eve at work lately, I don't feel much like talking to people. Because even though people talk to me, I feel as if I'm not really the person they want to spend their time with. Therefore, I tend to slink away into my own shadows. I'm having such trouble with conversation lately and it's just not like me! What's wrong with me?!?!

Bittersweet Holidays

"Oh what a Christmas to have the blues."

The Christmas music is in full swing, the lights are blinking, the air smells of pine and apple cinammon, garland decks every bare inch and boxes of surprises are wrapped in pretty paper. It's Christmastime in Syracuse! But I'm still sad.

Come to find, my grandmother (My mom's mother, the sweet one) has ovarian cancer. At least, the doctors are pretty sure. In the meantime, she'll undergo a hysdirectomy followed by chemo. They have no idea at this point how advanced it may or may not be, so there's hope, but also fear. Until we know more, we can only pray. This news has taken me about a week to come to terms with. In such time I've only told my husband and a close friend. I think it's time to just say it. I have mixed hopes and fears looking forward. Ovarian cancer has killed Madeline Kahn and Gilda Radner, and yet 8 years ago when my other grandmother (my dad's mom, the not so nice one) was diagnosed with cancer, the doctor gave her 6 months to live. Yet she still lives on healthy and grouchy as ever. But my grandparents are not as young as they were 8 years ago and the procedures are sure to take a toll on my grandmother's body, whether the remission is successful or not.

At the same time as all this, there is great joy. My son will be able to enjoy Christmas this year, as he begins to comprehend the concept of "wrapped packages = toys for me!". My husband Charlie is also "giving me Christmas" this year, which I can't disclose in detail here but Katy if you call me, I may explain! I'm happy, I'm so happy it's impossible to contain. The Christmas spirit flows through me and I just can't wait to put our tree up.

Yet amongst all the festivities, it hurts. At times I begin to feel that somehow it's wrong to enjoy life while my grandmother's condition remains undetermined. All I can do though, is pray.

~Crys